Thus! They interject into our lives like a social disease that does not go away. They show up...I am cordial out of respect for my wife. I soon learn this is a mistake. My wife is a kind woman.....ALL SoCal hoons can attest!
The arrival: I am cleaning my CR500 up and they show up. I see the wife....she resembles "Slimer" off Ghostbusters only smells worse and a lazy eye that is creepy! So I name her "EyeBall"
Her husbad....I deduce...a silly stupid fuck who thinks he is Greg Lemont. He is wearing a full spandex body suit thingy. Resembles nothing short of a fat dick wearing a small pedal bikers hat. Dude looked like he swallowed a medicine ball. Faggot.....
I maintain discipline...until he asks me..."So what are you going to cook me to eat?" My mind reels quickly to a mental image of a cold turd on a dixie paper plate. Then I come to my senses and think...."Why do I have a bad feeling about this?"
The next day....fed up already. Fock it! I am going the gym to sweat it all out a laugh. I remember Ronny (my wife) making 7-8 logs of Kimbob (Korean California Rolls) before I left. I hammered out over an hour of cardio. I am thinking, "Shit, why waste this..eating something bad....Oh yeah! Ronny is makin KimBob...lowfat goodness!"
I get home...hungry as hell from my workout. I crack the fridge. ..........I feel my temp rise as my eyes dart from corner to corner of the fridge....no Kimbob! I interdict the wife in the hallway..."WTF happened!" "Where is the Kimbob?" Her reply,' Oh they ate it all." Eight fuckin logs!!!!! How the hell!!!!. Thats enough for 5 people. Piss on it...I am taking a shower to cool off.
I get out of the shower and am taking my stinky gym clothes to the pantry. As I cruise down the hallway...I catch a whif. "Holy Christ!" I was scared the chest freezer shit the bed in the pantry! I ran down the hall nervous that food had gone bad. No.......chest freezer is on full cool? In complete bewilderment.....WTF? I walked back up the hallway in detective mode. When I came abreast of my sons room...it hit me like a foul rotten fish smell upper hook. Coughing/gagging I ran up the hall in retreat mode. WTF...yet again!?
I intercepted the wife... "What in the name of god is that smell emitting from the hallway?! Her reply, The smell is her puss. She has a slight problem." Problem!? Get them the fuck out of here...burn those sheets!!!!! Chem-Tool those meat curtains!
The wife shoots me down. I evacuate to the garage and sip on a beer in a chair. Shortly there after "HE" shows up. He asks me....are there hills around here? I like to ride my bike. I reply with a devilish grim...yeah there are hills...want me to show you? Oh yes! Well get back into your spandex and I will give you a the penny tour.
I had the mind to roost the fuck out of him on the 500. I guess I folded....I am too kind. Instead. I took him 7+ miles out and left him. Took me 5 minutes to get home and him 2 hours.
So what do we do? We move to Washington.....only to learn they beat us up here...
I am damned!
